So once everyone else has gone out, I decide to crack open my dvd and give it a whirl.
At this point, I should probably say that my exercise in the past 10 years has consisted of some gardening, dog walking and decorating and given my disability, I can't get to a gym or anywhere else useful to the task of losing weight. I like junk food and I don't like exercising.... like a lot of folks I assume.
Anyway, I make sure the dog is tired out and out of my way since she'd help and I'm pretty sure the dvd doesn't call for a mad staffy leaping on your terrified abs half way through your abusing them and I then spend 5 minutes trying to get in the plastic wrapper.
I guess that was the warm up!
Then I decide that the smart thing would be to document my abs transformation in picture form so I took some pictures which I'll scare you with right now. I apologise.
All relaxed and flabby:
With suitable attire on and the animals out the way, I press play and am greeted with Jillian - who I have decided by this time isn't exactly an eye sore but is still probably the devil who tells me I need a hand weight between 3 and 8lbs and we should do this work out 5 times a week. *EEEEK*
Hmm..... a hand weight! I have those! They're all marked up in kilos. More bloody maths. Off I go looking for a converter and in the end decide that I know how many pounds are in a stone so I will weight myself without the weight, then weight myself with it! First attempt lands me with 10lbs... a tad much since I'm not looking to kill myself on day one. I manage to get it down to 6lbs which I think is reasonable.
While I'm stood on the scales, I realise that I've actually lost a pound in the 4 days since I ordered the dvd! Yay! Fear is an excellent motivator.
No more time to put it off, I gotta do this work out now. Turns out we have to do level 1 for 3 weeks then level 2 for the other 3 weeks, and you don't need the weight 'til level 2. Typical! Anyway, the exercise comes with a warm up and cool down so I figure, she's not going to let me kill myself, right?? RIGHT???
Holy Murray Mother of Gay!!
The warm up is some stretchiness and cardio intended to get your heart going. I get slightly distracted by a tattoo on her leg that I didn't realise she had and give up exercising while I try and work out what it is. This fails and I start the disc again.
Right, head down, get on with not being fat!
Cardio does what it says on the tin, it gets your heart going and warms you up. It was about 82degrees here today and I'd already spent about a half hour playing football with the dog so I was already pretty warm when I started. 'This is easy' thinks me, as we jump around warming up, ;I can do this, no problems.' By the time the warm up was over, I had a head like a beetroot and was pretty warm and sweaty! Clearly, I'm in worse shape than I'd anticipated.
Gotta say, there's a reason I chose Jillian and I was right. You wouldn't get this with Davina! About halfway through and we're being planks. It's at this point that my left elbow decides that I'm a crappy plank and gives out on me. My living room floor is concrete (under the carpet) which doesn't make for a happy landing for your face. Jillian is happily telling me that she's making me stronger and I mumble something about being strong enough to beat her to death when I'm done, as I return to my plank position and nearly knee myself in the face. She then pulls out a highly diluted 'Biggest Loser, possessed Jillian' and tortures one of the women who are showing us the beginner and advanced stages of the work out.
A few of the positions are HARD, especially if you have a bad back and dodgy elbows; and I try really hard but you don't get a lot of time to switch and see what you're doing and there's certainly no room to be grabbing the control and rewinding, not that anyone in their right mind would want to! So I struggle along with my sore nose and complaining elbow and am delighted to find that she's thrown in something for the inner thighs too! Sadly its nothing I'd want giving my inner thighs a work out!
Anyway, I do ok for my first time and, sweating like a glass blowers arse, I glance at the dvd player which tells me I've been being tortured for 18 minutes. Now in the real world, 18 minutes isn't that long. In the world of me, where I've invited possessed trainers who are hellbent on killing me, into my living room; 18 minutes is a LONG time. Its at this point, when I'm hoping she's gonna say, now stretch out and go and have an ice cream that she says something that makes my heart almost pack up its valves and move out. We're gonna ramp it up!! We are??
Tell ya what love, you ramp it up, I'm going back to bed!
Like a good girl, I ramp it up, and do pretty much the last 15 minutes or so all over again in about 6 minutes. My body is trying to work out what it's done to deserve this, my heart is pounding like a jackhammer and I want to die. Why did I do this to myself? I decide that it must be Jillian's fault entirely and I call her some unpleasant things. Demonic being one of them.
I'm thrilled to see that she is a tad breathless too, maybe faked to make us fatties feel less pathetic but who knows. She then says; ok, lets cool down - or words to that general effect and for the first time since I put this dvd I feel a warm fuzzy for this woman. She's letting me off the hook! I'm free to go and crawl under a rock and die. As we're cooling down, I start trying to oggle her leg and work out what the hell that tattoo is... I still can't, so if anyone knows, please comment and tell me so that I can concentrate next time.
Anyway, now that we're all cooled down, I'm free to leave and shower. Which is a bloody good thing since I didn't hoover first so I'm now all sweaty and covered in cat hair! As I get into the shower, I realise that I actually hurt! My obliques don't seem to have suffered too harshly, either that or I don't have any. My legs however have fallen firmly on the side of hating Jillian and complain all the way! I feel much better for having a shower and continue with my day, apparently full of energy! I'm not, I'm full of a mix of clarity that I just worked out with a minor demon and excitement. I actually feel good and so I tweet about it, saying just that.
About an hour after I finished my workout, I am suddenly bursting with energy, I find myself hopping around on the spot and raring to go. Is this the energy I was promised?? She never told me it was in a time release capsule. I make the most of it and play football with the dog some more before heading out to do some chores.
So there you go, that was day one of my torture. I plan to blog regularly on this in the vain attempt that it will keep me motivated to do it again and again! Also to monitor my own progress so that I, hopefully, will see my progress.
I have written my shopping list, which looks like something a rabbit would request on the shopping list but I will not be fat!!! I don't mind a lil bit of padding but there's no way I will be a blimp!
Particulars for the beginning:
Weight: 12 stone (168lbs)
What I want to lose: Approx 20lbs maybe more but at least 20.
What I have lost: N/A at this point.
Opinion on dvd: Hard and painful.
Residual Pain/ache: thighs, upper abs, arms, back but that almost always hurts.
Places to work on to help: arms!!!!
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